Have I been brainwashed by religion???

I was trying to get to sleep the other night when a frightening possibility occurred to me: I realised that I spend an unusually large percentage of my time (by the standards of most people) thinking about church, God, His plans for us and what He wants me to do. All that stuff. This wasn’t the frightening part, the frightening part was that maybe the only reason I love God and try to live my life how He wants, is because I think so much about this stuff. In a nutshell: what if I’ve been brainwashed to believe what I believe?

You can believe anything is a great cause if you think about it enough. You can come to the conclusion that genocide is the answer, that Middle Earth is more real that the UK, that meeting your own needs is the only way to be happy.

But then again, if I compare God to the other things that have taken up my thoughts over the years, God seems to have had a noticeably different effect on me.

I’ll give you some examples. In my teenage years, like most other teenagers, I thought mainly about boys and romance and sex. I became obsessed with the desire to be in a romantic relationship, and I felt sure that this would make me happy and complete, but the real results were disappointment and low self-esteem.

Then I retreated from the world and into my own head. I barely connected with other humans beyond shallow, daily interactions. My daydreams became stories and I wrote them down, every spare moment of thought was spent in them and they became as real as reality. This preoccupation with myself and my writing lead to self-absorption, loneliness and an inability to connect with others, until eventually even my creativity dried up.

Now, however, I think about God (although I still think about relationships and myself and my writing, cos I ain’t perfect). In stark contrast He has changed my life in better, subtle and more beautiful ways.

I no longer search for romantic love, or need male attention to boost my self-esteem; more often it comes from the person who created me and the friends He has placed around me. I am not as introverted and afraid; I can make friends and keep them and accept love from them. I don’t write so much but what I do write is more meaningful, and I’ve been given an incredible opportunity to illustrate a book.

I’m not saying everything is 100% wonderful because it’s sure as hell not. What I am saying is that God has grown me and healed me, and continues to grow and heal me the more time I spend with Him.

I have not been brainwashed: I am a different human being than I was seven years ago. And it is not a change that could ever have happened by accident or by my own doing (I promise you, aside from the fact that it was happening to me, I had no hand in the good stuff God has done in my life).

The thing about God is that He loves each of us, and it’s not a sort of pity-love or begrudging-love, but He truly likes us and wants to spend time with us. The only thing standing in the way is our own desire to do exactly what we want, when we want (this is what sin is) because we are arrogant enough to think we know what is best for us. We forget that God is fairly competent at His job (running the universe and all) and that He loves us more than we love ourselves.

All this sin pushes God away from us until He’s so far away that we may never even glimpse Him. A big ole wall is built up so high that we don’t even realise that there’s someone calling our name on the other side. But when Jesus died, rejected by his friends, humiliated, arms outstretched, He took our selfishness, fear and sin with Him. He made a direct connection between us and the Almighty so powerful that you only have to whisper a thought and He hears you, and if we decide that we don’t wanna do our own thing anymore, because it doesn’t work very well, that we wanna do God’s thing, He’s right there, waiting with His arms outstretched.

***

Hello little friends! I didn’t want to write this post very much but I felt like God thought it was a good idea, so you can blame Him. If you have any thoughts or questions about this stuff please feel free to share them, either publicly on this post or privately by text or fb message.

The Lonely Hero and the Church

I’ve got this theory that loneliness has been romanticised. It could be the by-product of living in a world where individualism is so highly prized and where your ‘strength’ comes from not having to rely on other people. Then again it could be something way older.

Here’s some evidence for my theory. When I think of some of the most popular fictional characters, many of them are versions of what I have dubbed the Lonely Hero. Doctor Who for instance: his companions come and go but he always remains, saving worlds and travelling the universe, etc etc. Aragorn (from Lord of the Rings), the ultimate survivalist and Lone Wolf, is another great example, as are James Bond, Wolverine and a whole host of cowboy protagonists and detectives (I can’t seem to think of many female Lonely Heroes – please let me know if you’ve got any).

What is our fascination with the Lonely Hero? Why would an Aragorn with a wife and children be so much less sexy? Or a Doctor Who with a home to go to? Or James Bond going to the pub with a bunch of friends he’s known for years? I think that we have a habit of romanticising loneliness, which is a lot more worrying than it might sound.

We, as humans, seem to be designed to spend our lives with other humans. Even if we claim to ‘need our own space’ or ‘enjoy our own company’ the fact remains that whoever you are, if you spend too much time on your own, you tend to become more self absorbed, less able to interact socially.

I have been lonely at times in my life but often I didn’t fully recognise how lonely I was; it was very easy to convince myself that I just wasn’t a social person, I was a lone wolf, I enjoyed my freedom. And the thing about loneliness is that it can become a cycle that’s difficult to break. The more time I spent on my own, the harder it became to spend time with other people.

Perhaps it’s because loneliness is so common in this century: from the quintessential image of an elderly man or woman living alone, to the youths isolated by technology, the migrant who moves to a new place and knows no one, to office workers who spend their lives in cars and in front of screens. We are all lonely sometimes and if it can become a ‘strength’, something to be admired, then we feel a little bit better about things. Because it’s a humiliating, depressing, crushing state of existence; difficult to talk about and even harder to escape.

Cue the church.

‘The church is a people called out of the world to embody a social alternative’ (Jesus for President). When people think of church they think of (on the positive end of the scale) Sunday mornings, singing songs, coffee, prayer, Bibles and Sunday school. But that is not the church. Jesus wants the church to be a radical social movement, which heals the hurts of the world through love, kindness, gentleness, tolerance, generosity and self sacrifice.

The church is the ultimate barrier to loneliness. The buzzword ‘community’ has been flying about a lot recently, and although it seems to have lost much of its meaning with overuse, I really believe that community is what the church ought to be. We need to be the first people to admit that loneliness is a problem, whether it’s our own loneliness or that of the people we see every day. But we aren't perfect, in fact we are often so far from Jesus' idea of what the church should be that we exclude or isolate people rather than embracing and loving them. 

That’s why I’m praying that my church will be unified by Jesus, so that it will be a welcoming community and a haven for the lonely. After all, the Lonely Heroes never save the world all by themselves.

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labour:

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

If two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

This is a big topic, and one that several people were keen that I wrote about. So I probably didn't cover what you had in mind, and for that reason any thoughts/questions/alternative arguments are very much welcome as usual. 

Just click on the words '0 comments' below to share :)

New babies!

Since I'm doing this crazy food thing I thought I'd share a quick update for anyone interested.

It has been easier and harder than I thought: easier in that I have never been short of food, i've found buying from farmers markets a lot of fun and planning my meals more is very little hassle.

On the  other hand I'm not sure where I stand with being offered pre prepared food at work because I really want to know where it's from, and have come up against unusual adversaries like cats (who keep pooing on my plants).

But I still feel very excited about it all! Which is definitely a good thing. And above is a picture of my new baby basil plants (growing things is a sure fire way of knowing where they are from)

Have a great week and play outside kids :)

Earthly Empires vs the Nation of God

I’ve been reading Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw and it is an amazing book, I want to lend it to everyone I know. The part I’m reading is about the early church during the centuries after Jesus left earth, and the struggles they faced living in the Roman Empire.

I didn’t realise that during that time Caesar and God were often interchangeable in Roman citizens’ minds. And not bowing down to Caesar meant persecution and even death. The Empire was built on plenty of dodgy stuff: slavery, exploitation of the poor, greed, unsustainable growth, environmental destruction etc (sound familiar?), and the Church was having a hard time getting by without bowing down to it or falling in love with its spoils.

God is not big on empires. Remember how reluctant he was to give Israel a king? They wanted to be like the other nations with a big strong human ruler, but really the only person who can handle that sort of power is God himself. Their desire for a king broke Gods heart because they were effectively rejecting him as their ruler and father.

On the other hand the early church was closer to Gods idea of how human society should function: they shared everything they had, gave to the poor, forgave debts, redistributed land, welcomed immigrants. They also attempted to separate themselves from the Roman market place (the agora), because to buy and sell there you had to pledge allegiance to Caesar – which was obviously problematic – and because it represented the dominance of the empire over people’s lives.

The church today ultimately faces the same challenges and difficulties as it did then, although admittedly they’ve changed their masks over the centuries. The question that is at the forefront of my mind is: how can we exist in this world without condoning the things that go against God's beautiful plan?

We are part of the nation we live in: we should be an example to it and love its people. But at the same time we are not part of this nation: we are the Nation of God, one which transcends race, culture, class and religion, that is beyond the economies, armies and empires of this world.

Our problem is that we don’t question the paths that bring clothes to our wardrobes, food to our tables, money to our pockets. We don’t question how it can possibly be sustainable to consume so much energy, space and stuff (I’ll give you a clue, every action has an equal and opposite reaction). Claiborne and Haw ask “Is it possible we can’t see the destructiveness of our economy not because we don’t know it’s terrible but because deep down we feel that it’s necessary and therefore hopeless to criticise it?”

Last year I gave up supermarkets for lent. Now I feel like God is asking even more of me: to separate myself from the empire wherever I can, to know that what I buy comes from a source acceptable to God, to consume only what I need and no more, and to trust that he will provide for me.

It could tail off, like my supermarket experiment, or it could crash and burn. And I will probably slip up and fail over and over. But it feels right, which is why I intend to begin as I mean to go on: I’m going to Whiteladies Road Market on Saturday for my weekly shop. So give me a buzz if you want me to pick you something up.

All the believers were together and shared everything. They would sell their land and the things they owned and then divide the money and give it to anyone who needed it... [The believers] ate together in their homes, happy to share their food with joyful hearts. They praised God and were liked by all the people. Acts 2:44-47

This post was heavily inspired by Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw. So if you wanna find out more read the book, or borrow mine when I'm done :)

Comments/thoughts/criticism/questions are very welcome as always.

Missy H Dunaway

I have a nearly finished blog post, but I have decided instead to quickly share my favourite artist with you.

She is called Missy H Dunaway. She paints double pages in dye-based and acrylic-based ink in a moleskine sketch book, and she is a sort of travel artist. Her paintings conjure up the call for prayer echoing over the rooftops of Istanbul, shady temples sweet with sunshine and birdsong, the winter luxury of Paris.

What I love about her work is her use of colour and light. It is so beautiful and so true to life that when you squint your eyes you could believe you are seeing what she saw. Her shapes are less accurate, but that gives her work an inperfect charm (and I really distrust perfection), an organic quality which draws you in.

This is probably because she studied impressionist painting and worked entirely outside, like a true impressionist. She also writes short anecdotes (only a line or two) on her paintings and the combination of her art and words makes me feel like I’ve actually been to Istanbul and Paris and all the other beautiful places.

I could sing her praises for a very long time but really it would be much better for you to have a look for yourself.  I don't expect she'll be everyone's cup of tea but here’s her website anyway:

http://www.missydunaway.com/#_=_

I'll be back with my finished post soon hopefully, have a great week.

Strengths and Weaknesses: Lessons learned from The Island

I started thinking about this after my jaunt to Manchester the other weekend. My friend Abbie (who I like to think of as Abbie the Artist even though she has renounced art for the timebeing) knows a lot of about feminism and culture, and told me that nearly all aspects of our lives are viewed through the male eye, regardless of whether we are male or female.

This is reflected in what we consider to be strengths and weaknesses. Being the leader and being assertive make you a strong person. Making decisions, taking risks, being independent. Being physically strong and emotionally strong.

If anyone watched the most recent series of The Island with Bear Grylls you might have seen a lot of this stuff in action. This was the first year when the men and women were put on the same island and had to survive together, and it was something of a social experiment.

What interested me was that the Islanders learned that characteristics they considered to be assets weren’t quite so important, whilst those they might have overlooked became lifelines.

Physical strength for example; the larger, stronger members of the group suffered more towards the end because they needed more food thus becoming a burden on everyone else. Risk taking also caused problems; those who took risks often ended up putting themselves out of action. And when some members of the group asserted themselves as leaders they drowned out the voices of quieter members and missed out on their skills and ideas, a mistake which could have proved dangerous on more than one occasion.

I’ve realised that I think like this too. I value some skills above others, I downplay characteristics which are considered to be ‘weak’ or ‘feminine’.

How many people describe themselves as gentle? That’s like describing yourself as a pushover, it is, at best, associated with babies and kittens. But intentional gentleness has so much power; it’s hard to trust or work with a forceful person. Jesus was often described as gentle, and he was the most controversial, politically provocative figure in history.

Kindness is another good one. Dumbledore said to Harry “Just like your mother, you're unfailingly kind. A trait people never fail to undervalue, I'm afraid.” Bang on the money, Dumbledore. We’re taught to be kind from when we’re little kids, and so kindness is for children: you can’t afford to be kind in the adult world. But Bear Grylls reminded the men and women before they went on the island to be kind and they realised that it was vital to look out for another, keep everyones spirits up and boost each others self-confidence.

So I suppose my point is that maybe we should rethink which characteristics we consider to be ‘strong’ and which ones are ‘weak’, we should stop ranking some strengths as more important than others, and we should try not to associate particular characteristics as masculine or feminine. Men can be gentle; women can be leaders. After all, we are all unique and cannot be put into a category or a box.

Those parts of the body that seem to be the weaker are really necessary. And the parts which we think are less deserving are the parts to which we give the most honour... together you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of that body. 1 Corinthians 12:22-27

Any responses/thoughts/ideas are welcome as usual :)

Also, if you've got time to kill (and if you're reading this then, lets be honest, you probably do) here's an extremely interesting article about some research which might just throw all our ideas about gender out the window.

http://www.joshuakennon.com/the-six-common-biological-sexes-in-humans/

God's Plan: que sera, sera, right?

I was speaking to Steve Broadfoot yesterday and he suggested that I write a post about God’s Plan (capital P). He’s concerned that as Christians we take this prearranged state of affairs for granted. We like to say "we don’t need to be afraid, God has a plan" or "what will be, will be". (Que sera, sera.)

And there is something wonderfully comforting about knowing that someone or something is in control. I mean, occasionally we sit up in bed in a cold sweat wondering if the universe is totally illogical, disordered and out of control, flying wildly through time and space like a frisbee.

I do believe that there’s a plan, though. God’s Plan. That everything fits together into the greatest, most beautiful story ever told, the good bits and the bad bits, and everything that we do and see and feel is part of it. The thing that worries Steve is that when people know God has a Plan for them they tend to take a backseat. When everything is already sorted we think that there’s nothing left for us to do.

We become complaisant.

It’s very pleasant isn’t it? Knowing that everything is already being done. And by someone a lot bigger and more competent than us who gets it right far more often.

But that’s not how Gods Plan works.

God is as good as it gets, He really, really doesn’t need any help from us. As you may have noticed when He was last here in person (about 2000 years ago) He was probably better at doing all His healing and loving people and winding up the authorities stuff without His disciples. Not to mention, He’s all-powerful, all-knowing, outside of time, etc, etc, and yet He’s written us into His big Plan.

That seems counter-productive right? Humans aren’t the greatest accomplices for God: we don’t like to be told what to do, we don’t really listen, when we do listen we don’t understand, and even when we understand we screw it up by accident or on purpose.

So why does God want us to help Him carry out his Plan?

Pretty simple. He likes us. He loves each of us and has given every one a different personality and skill-set. And how do you show someone that you love them? You invite them to be a part of your life and your future. You want to be a part of their life and future. That’s what God says to us: can I share your life with you? Come and be a part of this big beautiful story I’m writing!

If we then choose to be part of God’s plan, what does that involve? Well, it’s not an easy ride that’s for sure.

The main thing that I have learned is that God’s Plan doesn’t just happen. Actually, sometimes it does, sometimes you are confronted with a situation and you know exactly what God wants you to do, and it’s something simple and natural. Like being kind to people, which is usually fairly easy; but as Steve said “it’s easy to be nice, it’s hard to be loving”.

More and more I find that God’s Plan is less obvious, less easily perceptible because I need to be an active part of what He's doing. I can’t simply wait and see what He does, I need to step out, to search for opportunities to do God’s work, to push through fear and social awkwardness and do what Jesus would do if He were in my situation.

Even today the Holy Spirit gave me a very clear message; She said “step it up”. And yesterday Steve began to wonder aloud what church might look like if we were to step it up a gear, to be more active and create opportunities, instead of just praying and singing while we wait for the easy chances to do God’s work. How much more ‘fruit’ would we see? More physical/spiritual/mental healing, better relationships, more people falling in love with Jesus. Wouldn’t that be beautiful?

The fact is I probably wouldn’t be able to even consider stepping it up if I didn’t love and trust God (and it took me a while to get here), which is why I’m praying for quite a few of you, that you begin to love and trust Him.  But if you think that you already love and trust God, ask yourself if you are actively engaging in His plan. Or are you sitting back, and waiting complaisantly? He's got things for you to be doing, you know.

Jesus said: I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know what his master is doing. But I call you friends because I have made known to you everything I heard from my Father. You did not choose me; I chose you. And I gave you this work: to go and produce fruit, fruit that will last.

John 15:15-16

Thanks to Steve for challenging me, and apologies if this didn't quite get to the heart of what you were saying yesterday. I had a lot of trouble keeping it within my usual word limit (I don't want to post an essay), but please feel free to add anything extra in the comments or send it to me and I can post it separately.

Ideas/comments/questions are welcome from anybody :)

Is God a boy or a girl?

The kids at Flame asked an interesting question last Thursday: is God a boy or a girl? Me and Sara just looked at each other like uuuuhhhhhh... Their parents were arriving in the foyer and we were about to finish with a little prayer, but I wish we’d had the time to discuss it because it showed that they were starting to think of God as a person, rather than just an idea or a genie.

Then I thought that perhaps other people wonder about this too. So here’s a bit of a thought dump on the subject.

The first three things I wanna say are that:

1) As far as I know God isn’t male or female, God has both male and female characteristics.

2) Even though God is ‘genderless’, for want of a better word, we don’t call Him ‘it’ because ‘it’ is generally used when referring to inanimate objects and animals and we mustn’t forget that God is a person.

3) I refer to God as ‘He’, not because I’m a raging misogynist, but simply because it’s how I’ve referred to Him all my life.

I guess the reason God has characteristics of both genders, and is simultaneously both and neither, is that gender only really came about when He made humans and animals (and plants if you wanna get technical).

So why did God even bother with the whole gender thing? It really seems to have been more trouble than it’s worth. Let’s start in the beginning. On the 6^th day God made Man i.e. the first human (see my previous post ‘Feminism and the Fall’ where I bang on about how the first human was split in half like an amoeba).

Right now I feel the answer can be explained, at least a little bit, by the Trinity. This is the idea that God is at once one God, and three separate people: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Please do not try too hard to understand this. There are plenty of helpful analogies (e.g. the cloverleaf), but at the end of the day God is just too big and complex for us to get our heads around. He’s three, and he’s one.

So before God created the world there was just the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit loving one another in perfect community. Is it surprising that when they create the first human they say “Its not good for humans to be alone”? And thus the first human is divided in two: man and woman. So that these two can love each other like the Father, Son and Holy Spirit love each other.

Even now, after all the good relationships God planned for us went wrong (between each other and with Him) we can still search for that love that exists within the Trinity: romantic love, family love, friendship love. That’s why when we make time for each other, or we put somebody else's needs before our own, we bring a little piece of heaven to earth.

Sorry, got a bit side tracked there. But I would have liked to tell the kids at Flame about the Trinity if I’d had time. 

I’d like to tell them that the names Father and Son don’t necessarily mean a masculine God but one who wants to be like a parent to us. That He became one of us in the form of Jesus and knows exactly how much we suffer. I’d like to tell them that some people have considered the Holy Spirit to be the feminine facet of God as She is associated with healing and wisdom. And probably because She’s the part of God that is everywhere in the world at once (that was a joke… sort of).

But I imagine they would find it all very boring. And on that note, I think I'll finish.

I realise that this is kind of a random collection of thoughts rather than anything coherent but please share any comments/ideas/questions as always, because sometime I spend too much time in my own head and need to hear some other voices :)

Hello, babies.

I've been prompted this week to write something; there's a blog post cooking so watch this space. In the meantime here's a lovely quote from Kurt Vonnegut that Abbie Harris drew my attention to some time ago: 

Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind.